Thursday, January 04, 2007

A person may go for months without actively pursuing God, really seeking His voice. And then a person may one day find him/herself at a crossroads, in a crisis-- or a lull, suddenly demanding His guidance- instant gratification. I find myself wishing I had a "direct line" to Jesus. Ambiguity doesn't cut it right now; I need tangible direction and intervention. But then... who am I to decide what it is I need when I've been out of close touch with my Lifeline- my Source for so long? And who am I to deserve that sort of treatment when I cannot even seem to give Him a minute of my time while everything is going "smoothly", according to my own agenda?

Perhaps this view is a little harsh, considering that the very notion of being undeserving implies the possibility of becoming deserving, and that sort of defeats the purpose of grace; I will never deserve Him, no matter how "good" I am. I guess I just wish my character was a little stronger. I want to seek Him ardently and rabidly in every season. I would like to be aware of my need for Him all the time- even when my days are "happy".

I just pray that my life will testify as I walk this season out. It's strange when you get to the place where you say, "No God. No more. I have reached my limit." As if we can choose the degree to which we will accept conflict. Perhaps we can choose, but then it's like Peter, saying, "Where else will we go? You alone have the words of eternal life".

Character-building experiences. Hallelujah. That's life, you know? It's where I want to be. After all He has done for me, I want to embrace His sovreign plan. Without seeing a fraction in front of myself, I want to say, "Yes Lord. Have Your way."

posted by Jules @ Thursday, January 04, 2007

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home