Sunday, April 29, 2007

I probably won't be a very regular "blogger". In fact, let's face it- I won't be. Straight up. But with this most recent season of essay writing behind me (for the time being), perhaps my propensity for verbosity is seeking an outlet. Words are so effective in conveying the things that happen in life, and those thoughts that cannot seem to find a resting place until they have been sent out and received by someone... or no one.

I've been thinking so much lately about the value of encouragement- speaking words of inspiration and affirmation to others to "spur them on", call them out, awakening their sense of purpose or destiny.

I get to teach grade four these days, and what an amazing, life-giving experience it has been so far. But there are children in the class who are so broken- at such a young age. Already it seems they have lost their ability to trust, and to believe that someone may be on their side. I am trying to take a "proactive" approach with these kids, praising them and affirming them before they get a chance to blow up and alienate themselves even further. I want to see the potential in them and call them up to that standard.

There is a woman who goes to my church. I don't actually know her name. But I have seen her a number of times, and every time I do, she is washing dishes or making coffee. Whenever I look at her, I feel so blessed, and think, "Wow. She is such an amazing, humble lady". And it occurred to me the other day that I should say something to her. Now, this is where Julie is a total dork because I always have these wonderful, eloquent things to say... in my head. But how do I get them out there so others can hear them too? I walked up to her this morning (as she was boiling the kettle for tea) and said, "I always, like..... think you are so awesome... cuz, um..." I don't know. I managed to spit it out. But I never even gave her my name... or asked her what her name is.

I got to sing and play keyboards today, and it ended up being pretty fun. But I had had a long and busy week, and was dealing with the kind of conflict that comes from taking too much ownership of your giftings... and from operating under a major sleep deficit. Someone spoke direct encouragement to me afterwards, and it was just so timely and good; I was able to recognize the subjectivity of my own emotions and the futility in being upset by my inability to be perfect at everything I do. To be a blessing in my flawed condition is so much more important to me than attaining "perfection" that may only be admired from a distance.

The thing is, we are always going to be awkward and human... at least for a little while... And we can't always wait for the perfect words to say. Sometimes we just have to be a bit uncomfortable and say the thing that's stirring in our hearts. It's how people communicate. To hold back our words for fear of looking foolish could be robbing someone of a portion of their inheritance.

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