Feast of Heaven

Thursday, March 10, 2011

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Sunday, July 06, 2008

I'm moving! Wrote a song about it. Want to hear it? Here it goes....

With props to Will Smith and "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air"
(Yes, I really am this much of a geek)

Now this is the story all about how
My life got flipped, turned upside down
Let me tell you a story that'll make you shiver
The story an island girl who's moving to Powell River!

In west British Columbia born and raised
Victoria, BC where I spent most of my days
Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool
When suddenly God was all "Get thee to school!"

So after five years on the scholarly tip
I got my education-now I'm taking a trip
My "Dangerous Minds" vision of teaching in the ghetto
is being put on hold- guess this other plan is better(?)

Apparently I'm not needed in the inner city of Victoria
I'll skip past the details cuz I don't wanna bore ya
But Powell River Christian School gave me a call
wondering if I'd come teach in the fall

Christian kids? I don't think so... that's not in my plan
What could I give them that they don't already have?
The school kept pursuing; they sweetened the deal
I told them, "I'll consider it despite the way I feel..."

Then I took a little trip and was happy to see
Some genuine peeps with authenticity
Philosophies, attitude, heart, and vision
Caused me to give my own plan a revision

Changes in my housing situation, my job, and my vacation
all coinciding with the timing of this potential relocation!
Scriptures and witnesses jumping on board
caused me to consider that this could be the Lord

So looks like I'm doing it- my objections revoked
Don't have a home yet but I'm all stoked
God's got my back; He's gonna deliver
And I'll be the newest teacher in a town called Powell River

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Who am I to seek a title or any kind of reputation? I know a Man who was misunderstood. He offered up no defense. If we are servants, let us serve. But let us not continue to introduce and explain ourselves. If I sing, let my voice blend with a thousand other voices- knowing He can hear me is enough... And let me wash the dust from my neighbour's feet. My identity is not in what I can do; rather it is in the name that He speaks in the presence of angels when He remembers my devotion.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

My grandpa just turned ninety. He is so slight and frail. I don't know when that happened.... He used to be a giant. He has never been an overly emotional or demonstrative man. But now it is as if all the deep things in his heart have risen to the surface. His skin is so transparent I can see his longing... I was watching him speak, and all I could think was, "He is so close. What must it feel like to know you are so close to heaven?" It is a long recurring dream unfolding. And it is scary but it is wonderful- and he doesn't know what to do with it. So he cries.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

"Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that whoever reads it may run with it...Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay."

When God has spoken something, the words are as good as the deed. He is not someone who makes false or empty promises. The seeds of hope that He plants in our hearts are just as real whether they are buried deep within the ground, or in full bloom. Who are we to question His timing? When something does not come to pass within our preferred time frame, does that mean He is delaying, or going back on His promises? As time progresses and the vision seems to spring into life, how foolish I will feel for doubting that it was His intention from the beginning! Write the vision. Wait for it. I have decided that nothing will hinder me from standing strong. In some ways, I have felt like my life's been in a long season of transition or limbo... And it's easy to grow discouraged when you're waiting for "the next season"... whatever that is. But I have made a decision to rejoice in every day- every moment. Because He is who He says He is. And He is so trustworthy. And opposition may try to use time- our human tool for organizing life- to keep us down. But as time progresses, I will stand, and my hope will only grow stronger. Praise God for the opportunity to know our weaknesses, so that we become all the more dependent on Him.

Friday, August 03, 2007

I wonder sometimes as I watch you ride
the ferris wheel...
You are elevated and then brought back down to earth.
You are moving in circles above and around me.
...what am I lining up for?
My ambition lies in the dream and anticipation of something great.
But if the substance of things hoped for makes me cautious, it also makes me bold.
I may not see you on this ride...
...but is life a carnival anyway?

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Where it's at right now... just keepin it real

If life is so short, why is it taking so long?

Is loneliness simply the absence of another, more desirable emotion?

Why do people think they must be beautiful in order to be loved? Is it not love that makes us beautiful to begin with?

The more someone means to you, the more power they possess to cause you pain...
...I wish people were more careful with their power...

I cannot believe the demands I place on God sometimes, based on the merit of my own accomplishments... which are nothing.

I am so tired of saying the right thing... and so afraid of doing the wrong thing.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

I have this friend named Val. She is so wise and eccentric and beautiful. She and her husband moved away over a year ago, so I don't get to see them very much anymore. But I remember she would often talk about the importance of moving from strength to strength- the idea that when changes come in life, we should move as if we are walking towards something, rather than away from it. When we live in avoidance, due to fear or shame or... the fact that we "don't like" something, we may be missing out on the life that can come from a place of sacrifice. When we "change our minds" about something, what is the motive: to run away from adversity, or to run towards a place of life and peace?

After talking this over with friends over a delightful Sunday lunch today (Texas Wrap @ Moxie's Grill. C'est bien.), I have come to the conclusion that a person cannot truly find peace when he or she is seeking to be rid of a lack of peace. Does that make sense? Peace- a genuine rest in the depths of one's spirit- cannot be obtained by running from difficult or challenging circumstances, by avoiding that which makes us uncomfortable or afraid. I believe it is necessary at times to walk through adversity in order to arrive at a place of peace.

Moving from strength to strength does not mean that we must always be strong. Rather, perhaps it means acknowledging our weaknesses and yet facing them anyway. Perhaps it means knowing that we are bound to fail at something, and yet trying it in spite of ourselves. How else will we grow?

Sunday, April 29, 2007

I probably won't be a very regular "blogger". In fact, let's face it- I won't be. Straight up. But with this most recent season of essay writing behind me (for the time being), perhaps my propensity for verbosity is seeking an outlet. Words are so effective in conveying the things that happen in life, and those thoughts that cannot seem to find a resting place until they have been sent out and received by someone... or no one.

I've been thinking so much lately about the value of encouragement- speaking words of inspiration and affirmation to others to "spur them on", call them out, awakening their sense of purpose or destiny.

I get to teach grade four these days, and what an amazing, life-giving experience it has been so far. But there are children in the class who are so broken- at such a young age. Already it seems they have lost their ability to trust, and to believe that someone may be on their side. I am trying to take a "proactive" approach with these kids, praising them and affirming them before they get a chance to blow up and alienate themselves even further. I want to see the potential in them and call them up to that standard.

There is a woman who goes to my church. I don't actually know her name. But I have seen her a number of times, and every time I do, she is washing dishes or making coffee. Whenever I look at her, I feel so blessed, and think, "Wow. She is such an amazing, humble lady". And it occurred to me the other day that I should say something to her. Now, this is where Julie is a total dork because I always have these wonderful, eloquent things to say... in my head. But how do I get them out there so others can hear them too? I walked up to her this morning (as she was boiling the kettle for tea) and said, "I always, like..... think you are so awesome... cuz, um..." I don't know. I managed to spit it out. But I never even gave her my name... or asked her what her name is.

I got to sing and play keyboards today, and it ended up being pretty fun. But I had had a long and busy week, and was dealing with the kind of conflict that comes from taking too much ownership of your giftings... and from operating under a major sleep deficit. Someone spoke direct encouragement to me afterwards, and it was just so timely and good; I was able to recognize the subjectivity of my own emotions and the futility in being upset by my inability to be perfect at everything I do. To be a blessing in my flawed condition is so much more important to me than attaining "perfection" that may only be admired from a distance.

The thing is, we are always going to be awkward and human... at least for a little while... And we can't always wait for the perfect words to say. Sometimes we just have to be a bit uncomfortable and say the thing that's stirring in our hearts. It's how people communicate. To hold back our words for fear of looking foolish could be robbing someone of a portion of their inheritance.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." Thinking about the tragic situation in Virginia. May the God of all peace bring comfort to the broken.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

A friend of mine got home from Zambia the other day. She had had the opportunity to go down with her father, whose friend had founded an orphanage and started a school there. She brought us back some bone bracelets and wrap around skirts and whatnot... and showed us hundreds of pictures. No really- there were hundreds. You should have seen those young, beautiful children smiling so brightly- most of them had no shoes on; some of them had one. Most of them had no food in their stomachs. All of them had walked two to four hours to get to school that morning.

There was a ten-year-old boy who had one of those plush baby books- you know those cloth books you give little toddlers, with bright pictures and simple printed words?- it was his prized possession. It was the only toy he had. Most kids wore the same clothes every day. They didn't smell very good. My friend and her father got to join in when some students who won a reading contest were selected to go on a trip to a game park. Their little bus was surrounded by about 75 elephants! She said it was incredible. But they had to move really slowly, as not to disturb/ anger the animals. When the group got back into town, it was too late for the kids to walk home again (it gets dark very quickly), so they had to spend the night at their school. My friend's dad went and got pizza for them. A teacher was with them; they would eat dinner and stay over until morning. The next day, they learned that the teacher had decided to go home herself, leaving the kids all alone in the school. That is when a man who works as a guard at the school broke in and raped a young girl.

I know we have heard a lot of these stories before. I know I am merely spouting off information I heard vicariously; I was not there myself. I didn't get to touch or hold or love on those children firsthand. But I am floored. Every time I hear a story like this, I am shaken. I am riled up. I weep. And I am so overwhelmed and yet feel so impotent- so powerless to do anything. But I am reminded of a statement that Al Gore made in his film An Inconvenient Truth. He said that when people really absorb the truth about global warming and the current environmental crises, they often go from a state of denial into a state of despair. I think I have heard so many heartbreaking stories about children who live in third world nations, I get almost numb. I feel like, "What could I possibly do to change anything?" I could send some money... I could go hold some orphans... But what about all the other people who are hurting? How will a few dollars or a few hours of my time solve anything? And then even on a small scale...on a local level... there are children right here in my own country- my own city who are suffering in some way. It's everywhere. I think a person could either fall apart at the seams with grief, or grow terribly callous for lack of hope or know-how. And I don't really want to do either of those things. All I can do is offer back what little I've got to give, and trust that God will multiply it.

I wish I had a definitive answer- something inspiring and encouraging to say to anyone who might read this.... But I think as long as we exist in a fallen world, there is going to be hunger, poverty, depravity....

When I think about my own life, I recall several significant people who loved me, who walked with me, who influenced me in some way. I just want to be that for people- one person, even. A child. I am not perfect, but I can be available. I can be a broken vessel with a little light to give. I would LOVE to go to Africa someday. But as long as I am still here, I want to keep my eyes open. I want to grab a hold of every opportunity to love. My life is not my own; I have been bought with a price. Unto what end? To love. Whatever that looks like.

Let every good intention begin to take root and find life. Let every tear be a drop that will water the vision. Whatever is deep within your heart to do- whatever small idea you have, no matter how "insignificant" it may seem, it could mean the world to someone. Your phone call, your embrace, your dollar bill (or coin... still just doesn't sound right though)... pour it out. Give it away. I am more and more convinced that there is power in the little things, in the one-to-one's... I am so cracked and broken. I have so much to learn. This is just me sharing what's on my heart. Not trying to be Oprah. I don't have it all together. I just want to use the pain. It has to be good for something. I want my life to testify of love.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Gary Goodell is in town these days. (Oh, he's just... some guy.) Anywho, he was talking about how true leaders are often reluctant at first to pick up the call. They offer excuse after excuse (think Moses) until they finally realize that the necessary gifting and equipping comes from God anyway, and not from themselves. Someone who is ambitious to lead may not be called to such. Interesting... It made me think, "Oh, so whatever it is we don't want to do, that's what He calls us to step into?" But it's sort of the opposite. It's sort of like whatever is too big- too impossible to attain, whatever is too risky, and yet so close to our hearts, He wants to lead us to that place- through a cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. Anything we already feel "capable" of... like we have something to contribute or offer aside from our willingness to serve and our longing to please His heart, is like choosing our own "sacrifice". And it is better to obey than to sacrifice. Just a few thoughts on the subject....

Sunday, January 14, 2007

"But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin"- 1 John 1:7.

This verse just says it so clearly. When we walk in the light, we have fellowship with one another. When we hide in the shadows, well... there is no fellowship there. A follower of Christ cannot survive that way for long. Will our hearts still keep beating? Of course. Will we still enjoy ourselves? Probably for a little while.... But not for long. The Holy Spirit has this way of making us miserable when we're walking in sin. Especially in secret sin. And when our Lifeline is Jesus, we reap life from the Source. If we sow into sin and the flesh... we only reap death.

I have to be honest here for a minute. I am nowhere near perfect. I know that. So please don't take what I'm about to say as my own claim to perfection and godliness. I just struggle sometimes (and perhaps it is my ExTrEmE personality) with the extent to which the church is in compromise. If we say that we're going for it, LET'S GO FOR IT. You know what I mean? If I am a citizen of Heaven, I want to LIVE like a citizen of Heaven lives. Certainly, there are things on this earth, in this life that we are meant to experience and enjoy. But that is not why we're put here. Let us not live for comfort or ambition-- or even happiness. All of these things will be added. But let us seek FIRST the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. Do we trust Him to provide the friends, the relationships, the work, the money, the fun? Then let us demonstrate that trust in Him with the way that we live our lives. If I believe in His promises to protect me, to give me a hope and a future- why am I living in such a way that says I don't? Why do we bury ourselves in our work or school? Chase meaningless, ego-boosting relationships? Spend obscene amounts of money on clothes or shoes, or entertainment? Where is our treasure? There also lies our heart.

Going back to that verse in 1 John... none of us is perfect. So let us not pretend we are. Let us walk in the light--in fellowship with Jesus and with one another, confessing our sins and being sanctified.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

A person may go for months without actively pursuing God, really seeking His voice. And then a person may one day find him/herself at a crossroads, in a crisis-- or a lull, suddenly demanding His guidance- instant gratification. I find myself wishing I had a "direct line" to Jesus. Ambiguity doesn't cut it right now; I need tangible direction and intervention. But then... who am I to decide what it is I need when I've been out of close touch with my Lifeline- my Source for so long? And who am I to deserve that sort of treatment when I cannot even seem to give Him a minute of my time while everything is going "smoothly", according to my own agenda?

Perhaps this view is a little harsh, considering that the very notion of being undeserving implies the possibility of becoming deserving, and that sort of defeats the purpose of grace; I will never deserve Him, no matter how "good" I am. I guess I just wish my character was a little stronger. I want to seek Him ardently and rabidly in every season. I would like to be aware of my need for Him all the time- even when my days are "happy".

I just pray that my life will testify as I walk this season out. It's strange when you get to the place where you say, "No God. No more. I have reached my limit." As if we can choose the degree to which we will accept conflict. Perhaps we can choose, but then it's like Peter, saying, "Where else will we go? You alone have the words of eternal life".

Character-building experiences. Hallelujah. That's life, you know? It's where I want to be. After all He has done for me, I want to embrace His sovreign plan. Without seeing a fraction in front of myself, I want to say, "Yes Lord. Have Your way."

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

A New Year

Wow, was 2006 was an eventful year! Chock-full of wonderful and complicated occurrences (as I suppose every year is)... and I am ready to move on.

Thanks to all of you who drop by this blog from time to time. I do still intend to update it, but the frequency with which I do that can vary based on factors of busy-ness, ponderous and write-worthy thoughts, share-ability of those thoughts, etc...

How y'all doing? Happy New Year. I had a day off today, and took the opportunity to do some laundry, talk on the phone, veg out with a movie, play with my dog... Here he is- exploding out of his Christmas T-shirt (It's a cell phone pic, so not terribly clear):

He has really gotten into the Christmas spirit this year- even going so far as to nibble on the Christmas tree! Even now, his breath smells like pine branches. (We are keeping the tree up until at least January 06th, as this is the 12th day of Christmas- the ephinany- and therefore, it is perfectly acceptable to continue the celebration.)

Anywho, I am excited for 2007- a new year filled with opportunities to exercise my faith in a loving and sovreign King. May your heart seek Him eagerly, and may He be found by you.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Why is it so easy to forget the things we already know to be true? I pursue an answer from God and then when I receive it, I am not happy. And suddenly I am no longer certain that indeed it was God who was speaking in the first place. Oh, foolish human nature-- always looking to the short term solution. Without some degree of sacrifice, we may never understand the richness of the blessing of God.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

"That Christ died for me, therefore I go scot free, is never taught in the New Testament. What is taught in the New Testament is that 'He died for all' (not - He died my death), and that by identification with His death I can be freed from sin, and have imparted to me His very righteousness. The substitution taught in the New Testament is twofold: 'He hath made Him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him.' It is not Christ for me unless I am determined to have Christ formed in me."

-Oswald Chambers

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

When I cannot see beyond the inch in front of me,
and the stirring of mirky waters compels me to move forward
I will walk. I will stand. What other option do I have?
Though my deceitful heart causes me to stumble,
I will get back up. I will not back down.
I will trust You.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

A Whiner's Prayer...

You have blessed me.
What sacrifice could amount
..............to the blood You spilled out-
.....................the glory You surrendered
............And who am I?
What offering could I present
to a humble and gracious King?
You have blessed me.
Forgive me my selfishness.
You have crowned me with grace
and You have blessed me.

Friday, August 18, 2006

I have heard the kingdom of God described as "the now and the not yet". That is, we have access to the grace and authority that Jesus came to bring to us right now... but we have yet to experience this authority in its absolute fullness until Jesus returns.

This tension is evident everywhere. Sometimes we see the sick recover; other times, we must grieve the loss of someone who seemed to go before his or her time. Sometimes we experience a measure of victory over our sin/ "issues"; other times, we feel as though we are labouring under defeat. We have the Spirit now as a deposit of the glory that is to come. So yes- we are imperfect beings living in imperfection. But Heaven is open over us, and we have all that we need in this life to be holy- to commune with Jesus- to see His light come into darkness.

I've been thinking about the idea of potential, and how God sees us the way He meant for us to be. In His eyes, we are the Chosen of God, "holy and dearly loved".... But does that mean we should continue in sin- in the pursuit of worldly desires, knowing that somehow "it all works out in the end"? We are told to be perfect as He is perfect. Does this mean we possess the ability to be perfect on this side of eternity? Well, maybe not.... But why would He ask us to try? Perhaps because it pleases His heart to know that we desire to be like Him. Not merely in word but in deed. If something is worth enough to us, we will fight for it. We will show Him our love, offering our lives as worship. I wonder how it makes Him feel sometimes, when we think, "Aw, He's big enough to cover this one. Pretty sure I won't be going to hell or anything...." Why not just obey Him out of love?

It is one thing to know we fall short of His glory, but to surrender our lives- our strengths and our shortcomings- to Him daily. It's another thing altogether when we squelch all sensitivity in our spirit and plow ahead in our own way.... We abuse the grace that He has extended to us, and worse- we miss out on the abundant life He has bought for us for the right now.

Life is not all about getting it right, but shouldn’t at least “trying to get it right” be an outflow of our devotion to Jesus? And not of our own strength; there is a wealth of grace and strength for us to draw on, if we’d only run to Jesus instead of our fleshly impulses. He loves us… that’s all. And there’s more of that love to taste on this side of Heaven. The Kingdom is now….